Teen-A-Pause

What we wish we knew before we knew it! We are the creators of the change that we wish to feel, so it is up to us to create change! Today’s world is a fast-paced changing environment where kids are connected 24/7 if they want to be. Connected to anyone, anywhere, there is a pressure unlike ever before to be ‘seen’ whether it is social media or through gaming, kids are expected, even pressurised, to create themselves in so many different arenas. In each digital world they are diluted, showing the side of themselves they believe will be accepted, liked and then feedback given by anyone, strangers alike! How crazy it must be to not really know yourself, as the teenage years are the most prolific when it comes to self-awareness and understanding, when they are learning who they are aside from all that the teen has been taught to be and to be taking their lead from a world that is distorted and so disconnected in so many ways. It is up to us: the parents, the adults, the more experienced humans, to understand what it is that the teens have to deal with. We have minimal awareness, as this is so far removed from anything we have ever known. The connectivity to technology is unlike any other time. It is a ‘new world & a new way of living’, so we have to become students as to how it is to live in these times. It is then up to us to cooperate and find mentally and emotionally healthy ways to integrate our worlds, learning and understandings that best support the growth of the teen, the digital native. The teenage years are the transition from being a dependent child to becoming an interdependent young adult: it is a time of great flux, unknowns, confusion, huge neurochemical & neurobiological changes, hormonal flooding and physical growth unlike anything before. It is a time when all of the differing worlds collide: self, mental, physical, emotional, sexual, academic, friends, the past, the future and the present can all feel like a volcano on the edge of exploding, or rather imploding, and to top it all off the adults in their life are expecting them to behave in a way that is biologically impossible due to the fact that the brain is not yet fully formed… It is up to us, the ADULT, to behave in the most appropriate, and emotionally intelligent way when we are able to; to learn to not take their behaviour personally and teach our kids the very important lessons that allow them to be emotionally and mentally aware, resilient, stable and connected, firstly to themselves and then to whatever feels healthy. How we grew up required very different skills and ways of being compared to those that are needed today, we were allowed to grow at a completely different pace, as life was lived in such a different way. They are ‘digital natives’ and we are not. YOU ARE THEIR PARENT, you may share friendship but the first relationship with your teen is as the guide, coach, boundary creator, role model, connector, confident, arguer, teacher, taxi driver, banker, support worker, healer and cheer leader. You are their anchor! Your role is to be able to listen, accept, argue, forgive, unconditionally love, create calm order and balance, to see them especially when they cannot see themselves clearly, to hold space as they ‘become’ more of whom they want to be, to acknowledge their uniqueness whilst honouring them and to witness their world compassionately. They may challenge you and all you stand for and against, they will question your way of being and it is for you to learn with them. Maybe there is no right or wrong, rather a ‘new’ way of seeing and being! Be the adult you want your child to become. Parenting is the most important job we do and yet it is the one that we get the least support, education and understanding for and with, in fact sometimes it can feel like no matter what we are faced with, we don’t feel like we have the time, resources, capacity or awareness. It is a learning journey and one we can grow through and with. THEY ARE THE TEEN and their journey is one where they are working with so much in development, mentally, physically & emotionally, they are not fully created on the inside yet to the outside world the changes may appear small. It is a massive time of changes within every area of their life! The teenage brain is going through the most massive development, it is still under construction (there is a whole chapter on this as it is so fundamentally important to the understanding of this journey). Chemically & hormonally their bodies are going through shifts that would look like the most massive earthquake ever, off the Richter Scale entirely, with constant tremors. They are also experiencing people in life in such different ways, so mentally & emotionally they are being challenged – being asked every day in one way or another – WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU STAND FOR? OR AGAINST? HOW ARE YOU, YOU? ARE YOU WITH US? ARE YOU DIFFERENT? DO YOU FIT IN? DO YOU WANT TO?